500 Wedding Ideas

What is your opinion on the concept of mail-order brides and husbands?

Interstingly enough, Wikipedia states that a federal survey found that mail-ordered marriages tend to have a much lower divorce rate than non-mail-order marriages. 80% remained married.

Public Comments

1. desperation
2. i think it's an opportunity for two people to find happiness and/or other benefits.
3. I find it enlightening that arranged marriages can be VERY successful. In the Orthodox Jewish community near us, they still have semi-arranged marriages. "Arranged courtships" is more accurate - and these marriages are often very happy and loving, and don't end in divorce. This tells me that getting divorced is NOT a matter of luck, akin to being hit by lightening. Perhaps a few couples are simply a bad match, or one partner is abusive, but many of the rest of us can just *make it work*. Good news to us married folks! I "ordered" my husband - I wrote down a list of important characteristics of the man I wanted to marry. 6 months later, I met him.
4. I suspect the lower divorce rate is because frequently the spouse is absolutely dependent on the marriage to avoid being shipped back to whatever festering third-world country she came from, speaks little English, doesn't understand her rights and is often isolated by her spouse, who "bought" her because he wanted an unpaid domestic servant who wouldn't challenge his tiny, fragile ego. I realize not all mail-order marriages are like that, but many are.
5. I think a woman would have to be totally desperate to offer herself as a mail-order bride to a complete stranger. I know living conditions in some countries are bad enough to drive women to that point. My guess is that these marriages last because the woman really doesn't have much choice. If she leaves the marriage, she could get deported. She also may not know her rights. I view men who marry mail-order brides as control freaks and abusers. They know that no American woman would put up with their crap.
6. Is it not the case that mail-order marriages involve women with less knowledge about how to get out of a marriage they don't like or who are accustomed to husband dominant marriages? Also a lot of unsuitable arranged marriages are kept from divorce mainly out of fear.
7. You don't see women from wealthy, developed countries on the shopping list. What you see instead are women from poor countries trying to escape poverty. Some of them no doubt hope to send money home to their families. Many of these women don't speak english and have no work permits. They're stuck. There appears to be quite a bit of wife battery going on too.
8. Well, a mail order bride's family is probably paid to have there daughter sent over. She might feel it's her responsiblity to her family to stay in the marriage.
9. I think that if they are both happy then it is good. He gets a wife and she gets a new life which is often a lot better than the one she has escaped from. I think if the woman is happy to do it, rather than being forced by poverty or expectation, it is ok. It is a little complicated when it comes to having children, but not necessarily bad. I just think that if people are happy it can't be wrong.
10. In my country I see a lot of old men married to Thai or Phillipina women. Those women are young and attractive and I wonder when they come out to Oz and see good looking, younger men, whether they regret their decision. In any case, it's financial desperation that makes women want to get out of their country. I hope there are some successful marriages out of it all.
11. why not? people get married for many reasons. lots of young pretty women in america marry old guys also. if women got paid equally they wouldnt have such a hard time making ends meet and rely on a man to take care of them. this is how male dominated society oppresses women. give them lower pay so that women will always live at the mercy of men.
12. It's a global economy and global community. Why shouldn't men seek out mates on the Internet or through dating services or "mail order bride" businesses to suit their personalities and visions? People may associate mail order brides with men wanting free housekeeping and sexual services and scorn mail order bride businesses for that reason. But, aren't there plenty of men who marry local girls for the same reason? I have a problem with mail order bride businesses because so MANY of them are borderline sex slavers with impressed unwilling women or women in financial traps back home. And, so many of them are cons set up to fraud men and DO fraud men despite State Department warnings. And, many of the mail order bride organizations are associated with U.S. based sex slavers and child sex / porn rings in which men marry women with young children, legally adopt and use their children and get to keep the children upon divorcing and deporting their mothers. That's very common. Just ask your local sheriff's department. THAT'S what law enforcement agencies tend to perceive mail order bride businesses to be about.
13. my uncle has a mail-order bride. she's this tall, leggy russian and i've never heard her say two words to anyone. wouldn't be the life for me, that's for sure.
14. calling a marriage successful just because it hasn't ended in divorce is clouding the issue. Despite the low divorce rates in organized marriage, how many of those in these types of marriages would truthfully say that they are completely happy. Most organized marriages stay together out of obligation. I've said it before and I'll say it again, a 99% divorce rate is preferable to a 0% divorce rate because it shows that people are able to make a decision based on what they need out of life and based on their happiness.
15. Wanna know why they remained married? Because spouses who need to be mail-ordered, need to stay married in order to get what they want, be it money, a green card, or what have you. The ends don't justify the means!
16. It's a way of getting into a country without needing to go through the immigration checks. In most cases it is also the only remaining legal way to have a woman who is effectively your property (she won't divorce you because she is afraid she will be shipped home). When women are brought in as unwaged sex-workers we usually think that is a bad thing. Unless they are called 'mail-order brides'.
17. Its pretty rich that men are sneered at for looking for partners overseas when many women in the UK (and other Western countries) have turned their back on them http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/women/story/0,,2273247,00.html Edit Vagina Dentata (aka Object of Its Ire): "Many of these women don't speak english and have no work permits. They're stuck. There appears to be quite a bit of wife battery going on too" Thanks for the daily dose of cynicism and disinformation. Certainly in the US the VAWA laws protect women - including those who are not yet full citizens or residents - from domestic violence http://www.zimbio.com/Immigration/articles/14/VAWA+Solution+Immigrants+Abusive+Relationships VAWA can even be used by those without work permits to aid their immigration process http://seansevah.blogspot.com/
18. 80% stay married, eh? Personally, I've known exactly one person who subscribed to such ideas. Okay, if you count his wives, I've known four. My circle of friends includes many people who are regular seasonal workers from east Europe and Russia. More than anybody, ironically, the Russians will tell you that it's a scam. They guy I know had three marriages get appropriated this way. The service he used offered recourse for going and actually meeting the prospective women before they get shipped over. Anyway, all three of his marriages lated four years and a day. Well, not a day, but the guy is a jerk. A rich, well educated, multiligual jerk, but a jerk all the same. We've both been to Russia, but he still has this 1942, stereotypical view of Russia and their people. I guess he doesn't realize that women had full legal rights there since like 1920, and none of them were okay with the idea of staying married to a jerk. After the required amount of time passes in your marriage, your spouse is a citizen whose citizenship cannot be revoked. If you're still treating her like property, guess what? Foreign women are alot smarter than the men who sign up for these things realize. They split. By the way, I've NEVER met a European woman who had a problem working ANY five jobs at once to get by. If she speaka no English, she washa dish just fine, no problem. Seriously, none of those women are afraid to work, if you pay them. Abuse one, and she WILL find out exactly how to eat you alive. European women are NOT the meek little sheep everyone seems to think they are. Anyway, I don't really have a problem with the concept. Most folks get what they deserve, anyway. Personally, I don't subscribe to dating services or anything like that at all. Not because I am an uber-player, or anything, it's just distasteful to me, personally. More power to all those who do, and good luck. If only 20% of mail order couples split, maybe I would have better odds using one of those services, rather than they modern method of 'going out and meeting somebody.' In any case, though, knowing as many great foreigners running international businesses/services to the states as I do, I have seen the guys who run a temp service, and force girls into stripping (prostitution stepping stone), or they lose their employment and housing contracts, right along with wonderful people who offer real opportunities for others. I can't imagine that too many of these services are all they claim, but hey... you wanna paypal 30 grand to Kiev on the hopes they're gonna send you a diva, best of luck!