500 Wedding Ideas

How did weddings become so elaborate?

By elaborate, I mean huge sophisticated things. The average wedding today is almost 30k according to the experts and the wedding industry. In the olden days from what I remember from history, weddings were simple and modest affairs. How did we go from simple to huge and expensive?

Public Comments

1. It's been romanticized by movies/media/writing.
2. they shouldn't be. Only invite close friends and relatives. Don't even invite relatives you don't even talk to.
3. because women like to showboat and are never satisfied
4. the question is not how, but why. the answer is that some people just have too much money and want to show off.
5. Last I remembered it was only 22k or so for the average. You also have to remember this is an average. This does not mean that the average person spends that. But that people will spend either a couple thousand or 100k. Averaging it to be 22k. I do think though that more and more people are losing the sanctity of a wedding and planning it more as a party. This is obvious if you look at the divorce rate. People's perspective of weddings are that they are no longer this wonderful union between two people but of a smashing good party and only if yours is planned to be over the top will people even go anymore. I have heard of way too many stories of people's own family members not attending weddings because of long flights/car rides/destination in general. Or because of the cost. *shakes head* It really is sad.
6. There didn't used to be such a thing as the Wedding Industry which is a multi-billion dollar organization. That pretty much dictates what is considered acceptable and what isn't, regardless of what proper etiquette has to say, and they have thus brainwashed brides into believing that they must have things a certain way or else their marriage will be doomed. A large number of brides are so gullible that they are willing to pay the exorbitant prices that no sane person would ever do if it wasn't "wedding-related", and yet those same gullible brides mock and harrass anyone who doesn't agree with spending that much money or who wants their wedding to be unique and personalized instead of blending in with everyone else's so that you can't tell where one wedding stops and someone else's begins. At the same time, when you try to tell people that weddings used to be simple (and it really wasn't that long ago that they became incredibly elaborate) then they insist that you are lying. Just 10 yrs ago, people were still having cake and punch receptions in the church fellowship hall (and that still happens in many areas) but yet if you tell anyone that is considered the norm in certain social circles and religious groups and that dinner and dancing is unheard of among those folks, they treat you like you grew another head. Meanwhile, in alot of families, a wedding is nothing more than a time to show off to society. Parents take over the planning so the bride and groom have no say whatsoever. The moms dictate the daughter's life and choices and refuse to back down, simply because in times past, the bride had no say and her mom planned her wedding for her and her mother before her. It is only in the last few decades that a woman had rights of her own and wasn't considered her father's property, soon to become her husband's and what better way to perpetuate that stigma than to control her choices in wedding planning, or don't allow her any choices at all. At the same time, the rest of society says "the wedding has nothing whatsoever to do with the bride and groom. It's all about the family and them showing off for everyone else". So then why is the couple even getting married if it isn't about them? If it was about the family or anyone else instead, the bride and groom wouldn't have any business being there. What it boils down to is that no matter what you do, there will always be someone who doesn't believe a word you say and/or is pissed off by what you have to say or do, just because you aren't doing the same thing that everyone else and their brother, cousin and mailman are doing. If someone doesn't like your choices, oh fricking well. They can keep their trap shut and have their own cookie cutter wedding when it's their turn while spending years on end (even after possibly getting divorced) paying off the debt that they brought upon themselves in the process.
7. Your question is one that can apply to MANY different institutions in life, not just weddings. You may have noted how High School PROMS have become such big affairs, with kids renting limos and spending gobs on gowns and all the other trimmings, as if it were a wedding. Some of it has to do with the Wedding Planner industry. They get paid partially on commission for what they buy so they will sock it to you as much as they can get away with. And when wedding frequency declined or as more planners entered the industry, they took on PROMS as another similar line of business they could pump up and make into a big deal. It seems to be the order of civilization to keep building and building on what was before...to always top what was done in the past in an effort to reinforce the idea that we are not getting older, we're just getting better. You could argue the same was true in American automobile manufacturing where The Big 3 kept building larger and larger cars with more expensive features which could drive the average price of a car up to the level of what many pay for a whole house. But life is also circular and all the dentifrice of living that builds up over the years eventually comes crashing down after it has outlived it's usefulness. Witness the Roman Empire which collapsed from within after so many years of success but then eaten up by it's own corruption and excess. I had a graduate school business professor describe the building up of so many "rent seekers" in the economy (i.e. people who just take from one pocket and put into their own without creating anything really new of value) as similar to arterial sclerosis or the build-up of cholesterol and plaque in the heart that siphons off critical blood flow and eventually causes a heart attack. This is what we are doing in many different industries and it really needs to stop. People need to get a grip and start slimming down their grandiose expectations and needs because we really don't need all those things. But perhaps the greatest master of this would be the writer/philosopher Thoreau who escaped the hectic life to live on Walden Pond for a season, discovering how very little work was actually required to survive and be happy. Here is one of his more famous quotes: In “Where I Lived, and What I Lived For,” Thoreau urges, “Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand; instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumb nail.” He is best known for the pithy charge, "Simplify! Simplify!"...and I agree with you. The people in the wedding planning business or those who try to emulate their grand affairs on their own, need to just get a grip and SIMPLIFY! Were I to do mine over, I would plan a very simple but romantic wedding for me and my fiance and not ask anymore that a Best Man and a Maid of Honor, perhaps the parents, but no other guests. The focus would be on the LOVE that brought us together and the COMMITMENT we were making with all our hearts, versus worrying about the wedding party and was everything going smoothly. Then after that simple ceremony, I would plan a bigger event, inviting my friends and perhaps going through the vows again and that would be the party for others. Because in today's world it does seem like weddings seem to be for everyone else but the bride and groom. Way too much stress and expense! There is a better way.
8. I am having what is considered to be an "average" wedding in my hometown next month-(it's a college town with about 110,000 people), and it is not even costing half of $30,000! Now I'm not saying it's cheap, but the reason why it's bigger than weddings 30 years ago is because 30 years ago people couldn't travel to them so easily, thus, making the guest list even larger. Secondly, we live in a society that thrives on food. It is now common and even somewhat expected for people to serve dinner at a wedding if it takes place in the evening. Third of all, we're being taken for all we're worth on the prices of everything. It used to be that well-wishers came forward to help the young couple out on expenses, maybe make the cake for them, offer to take the pictures, offer to let them borrow things, etc. Well, now everyone is just looking for the quickest way to make the most money off of them. I hate to admit that I am paying $33.25 per person for a dinner that I could make at home for about $6 per person, but the sad reality is that I can only fit about 10 guests in my livingroom at a time, and our immediate families are bigger than that, so we have to adjust to accomodate our large families. 30 years ago, nobody would have inflated prices that high, but in this day and age, too many stupid brides willing to pay too much for goods and services paved the way for the rest of us, and now I can't find a place in this town that is less than $30 per person for dinner that is large enough to hold our families.
9. I get what you mean, my parents were married around 23 years ago and they say they spent around $1000 on a "nice" wedding, my uncles and aunts all spent under $3000 and were very happy that day, no less than what we see others who spend so much money. Besides the movies and hollywood, i think that we can blame those shows on TV that show huge weddings, and tell us that center pieces should run around $10 a piece if not it's not a good center piece. I can't lie to you and tell you that that's not the one thing that had always influenced me to think that my wedding should be something like that, And I also agree with what everyone before me has said, but it's very important to remember why it is you're having a wedding in the first place, because unfortunately we almost always fall victims to materialism.. I'm a living example, I have been with my fiance for 6 years now (living separately because we're very religious) but we hadn't decided to marry yet because we hadn't had the money to throw a nice wedding for our families and friends..forgetting that the wedding should be for US not THEM, however, we finally decided that we are going to ignore all the gossip that might surface if our wedding isn't the Platinum wedding of the year, and marry each other because we love each other, our wedding budget is set at $5,000 and we're going to do the best we can with it. I am now only thinking that if we had taken out of our heads this idea that a wedding had to be so illustrious and huge, we would have been very happy and together long ago.
10. they have become very commercialised (as has xmas!) and a lot of the population hav forgotten what it all really about. a lot of people seem to compete with each other for the biggest and best (keeping up witih the jones's!) rather than following the beat of their own drum! to want to become married (that is, to become 'one'/'united') is a pesonal decision between 2 people and should not invove anyone else until time to share with those closest to them, of their intentions. in centuries gone by a whole village coud celebrate as people living within those villagaes were more intimate with each other. in todays socieety the intimacy isnt as prevalent. it is a personal choice just the same but i rekon keep it sweet, romantic and intimate! its supposed to be a time to remember forever and who wants to be paying for it for the next 10 yars? if the money is there to be spent then put it toward your future together. that would be my choice - not necessarily the choice of others!
11. I agree with previous answers, but add that our modern media driven society is a huge influence. In previous generations brides and their families based their plans on what they knew from their immediate community. As most people are not the 5-10% haves (as opposed to the have nots) their traditions were simpler. Throughout the 80's and onwards we becamed exposed to extravagant affairs of the wealthy throught the media - esp women's magazines. Which developed the 'dream' wedding. With the availability of credit (debt) these days more and more couples are trying for a 'dream' wedding like the 'dream' they saw in their own fav mags as younger folk. And possibly as couples are older these days on average they have more disposable income to blow on a big shebang. Just my thoughts. Personally I'd rather have a spectacular holiday for a honey moon that a cream puff wedding! Good question.
12. There have always been both - simple and elaborate. Generally, we are in a more affluent society, and often couples getting married are in their late 20s at least, so have more funds to spend on a wedding.
13. It's all relative. History shows common people having small simple weddings. However, those in high society and members of royal or influential families often had large, grand weddings. The size/type of event is relative to the period in history as is the expense. The options and services currently available far outscore those offered in the past. Weddings, like everything else, have adapted to the times and the demands of society. And not all big budget events are sophisticated and vice-versa. I have been to fantastic big budget and small budget events and I've been to horrible large and small budget events.
14. Publicity and always wanting more or the best than the next bride... Sometimes it's almost like a competition instead of marrying the one you love.... Weddings are very expensive and it's crazy... And nowadays, people get offended if you don't invite them... The society has brainwashed us girls with all the advertisement, chick flicks, etc.
15. The Wedding Industry has tirelessly promoted anything that would add to the spending. Items like guest books, programs, favors, RSVP cards, save the dates, rented venues for showers, spa days, bachelorette limos, and on and on and on were never even heard of back in the 1950s. A wedding is supposed to a fun and pretty and festive party, on a level with the families' usual level of entertainment. Thanks to The Wedding Industry many families have been dysinformed into imagining that a wedding should be some sort of grand pageant on the level of Broadway musical review complete with elaborate matching costumes, grand entrances for each cast member, opportunities for co-stars to sing, read, or otherwise have a share in the spotlight, and so on. I think some of the blame also lies in the "casualization" of our lives. People go to church in slacks and jerseys and the idea of "Sunday Best" seems to have been abandoned. Except for the very wealthy, few of us ever have the opportunity to be the center of attention at a grand and gala formal reception so brides make the most of the wedding. Perhaps we need to bring back Winter Balls, Debutante Balls, Sweet Sixteens, and other events at which young women can enjoy formal gowns. High School dances have devolved to casual affairs and the current crop of Prom dresses are more suitable for "flashing the goods" at a "hot singles spot" than for a formal occasion.
16. It was made so big and fantsy because of the media. Stupid people watch movies, and see hollywood weddings, and want that too. Everyone wants to out do everyone. Unfortunately, I am slightly a hypocrite. My fiances brother is getting married 3 months before my fiance and me, and I HATE his soon to be wife. She is catty and terrible. SHe has always tried to beat me, and I do want my wedding to be better than hers. I know it's immature, but that's just what I want. :)
17. Brainwashed. Brainwashed by the wedding industry, the media, and all those who wanted to make a buck out of dreamy-eyed and competitive bridezillas. I would also like to place the blame on families as well, especially parents of the bride and groom. There are parents who puts pressure just wants to have the most elaborate, expensive and unnecessary wedding details just so they can show off to other people how "well-off" they and their children are. I also place the blame on "some" brides.Some brides nowadays seems to want to outdo each other - one bride sees a particular wedding and she thinks to herself... "I'm gonna do better than that." No matter if they get in debt - just so they can satisfy their so-called "needs" and the fulfill the so-called "wedding essentials" Total absurdity.