500 Wedding Ideas - Why do brides and grooms feel entitled to choose all of their gifts on gift registries?

Why do brides and grooms feel entitled to choose all of their gifts on gift registries?

I am a woman who is invited, with my husband, to a lot of weddings for family, friends, neighbors, children of husband's old college roommates, etc. I normally object to using wedding registries. I make an exception where the couple has registered for china or silverware (a register makes sense in that case), or is older and has almost everything they could want. I feel that the giver, not the recipient, chooses the gift. I have been avidly reading on Yahoo Answers the opinions of brides and grooms, most of whom seem to very much feel entitled to choose all of their own wedding gifts. One wedding registry answer advised other brides and grooms to choose very luxurious and expensive items for their registries on the theory that young couples cannot afford things like very expensive towels. My question is, most of these couples seem to be having "fairy tale" (read very expensive) weddings. Wouldn't it make sense to have a less expensive wedding and save some money for towels?

Public Comments

Completely agree with you!!!!!
In my experience, the registry is used to let people know what items the couple would like to have, and is helpful in avoiding duplicates (so 4 people don't buy them a blender). If they are going to chose a list of items they need or would like to have, why not be specfic? If their kitchen is all chrome then why not register for a chrome countertop appliance so people buying them gifts will know what'll fit with their decor, versus buying something that doesn't match the look they're going for? I see nothing wrong with registries, and there is certainly no rule that one must only purchase items listed on a registry.
I agree. When I got married 12 years ago we had a very simple wedding, and a simple honeymoon. We did not have a registry, but we did have people calling to ask us what we needed. I would give them a few things, but we never expected to receive everything. If you are choosing what you want to have, and telling people this is all you want then what fun is that? The best gifts are the ones that nobody thinks of, and those are the ones you normally keep forever. I still have a couple of odd items that I would have never dreamed of buying myself. As for towels, the cheap ones dry you off just as good :-)
They just feel as though they are going to get gifts anyway might as well get the gifts they want. If you are going to spend $100 on a gift why get them $50 in towels they aren't crazy about and $50 blender they don't like. They would just prefer to have what they want. Also registries make it easier on the fact that there are no double gifts, if they don't like it they don't have to go and return it. This just makes it a lot easier. You are not obligated to buy from the registry but it is a guide to the things the couple wants and needs so it is there if you wish to use it. I can register for a $10,000 hamper doesn't mean someone will buy it for me. But couples know that they may have family member who want to buy them a more expensive gift so they register for more expensive items. But they should also put more reasonably price items on there so others can benefit from buying off the registry. Good luck!
I'm lucky. I never get invited to weddings, and if i was, I wouldn't give them anything but a gift card to Kmart, or maybe Walmart. If they were ok friends, I might spring for a gift card to walmart and a case of beer. {edit} Gosh, why so many thumbs down :( I was agreeing with the asker...
I happen to have a completely different take on registries - to me, they are a godsend, and a huge help when choosing a gift. Where I come from, there's no such custom, and it makes it very difficult to give wedding gifts, especially to couples you don't know very well. When I came to the US and learned about the registries, I thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread! Yes, ideally, the giver chooses the gift. But in today's world, it's more practical to get people something they REALLY want rather than something that you THINK they want, but they really don't. I don't think it's about "entitlement", I think it's simply a practical twist on the sentimental tradition. The usual advice on creating a registry is adding items in different price ranges - not only the very expensive ones. Those who choose to give the expensive gifts can do so, but there should be options for the less-expensive ones. It would be ridiculous for the registry to contain only the "very expensive towels" and such - but if the couple is selecting stuff from different price ranges, I don't see why they couldn't put these towels on there if they really wanted.
The whole purpose of a registry from the perspective of the bride and groom, is to get the expensive items they desire. Not the desire of the giver. The taste of the giver could vary greatly. It also helps when you do not know the bride and groom well, with no direct connection to them. In the case of a friend's daughter or son. It makes sense to get an item I can afford for them off of their list and if it is all too expensive for me, Then I get a gift certificate at that store in their name for the amount I wish to give. THERE IS NOTHING MORE DISHEATTENING THAN TO GET THAT UGLY ASHTRAY AS A WEDDING GIFT AND NEITHER OF YOU SMOKE.
i think registries are great...it is a list of what a bride and groom need to start their life and home together...most people have no idea what to buy the bride and groom so it is alot of help for them...most brides and grooms select a variety of items varying in price ranges so you can chose what you can afford and what you would like them to have..you dont have to get them anything on their registry..you can always chose to get them a gift card. You are not required to buy a gift
i agree and i disagree with you. i feel that some people have "fairy tale weddings" and i feel that others have cheap, have a barbecue at home wedding. either way, the couple is entitled to put whatever they would like on their registries. in some cases, the couples already have everything they need and see the registry as a place to register for more expensive things that they would not normally buy for themselves. isn't that what a gift is all about? but i see your point as well.
I spend a lot of time in the Weddings section, and most of the posters recommend a variety of items in all price ranges. Also, just because they have a registry, does not mean they demand you buy from it. You are free to choose any gift you want to give them, or no gift at all. A lot of guests actually like registries because they dont know everything about the couple. Do they like cooking, or eat out a lot? What is their style as far as decorative items for their home? The answers to these questions are all very clear on a registry. So maybe you dont like registries. A lot of guests do. Just dont buy from the registry.
Yes, That would make sense. My opinion of a wedding registry, having been married twice, is that it is an out or guideline for those people who don't know what you need/ want and don't want to come out and ask. It is defiantly not a "this is what you have to bring" People also need to realize that it is bad ediquite to include a registry card in a wedding invite, but not in a bridal shower invite. With bridal showers, the registry serves the purpose of letting people know the bride's taste and size she wears without actually putting her measurements in the invite. If people want to know what they want for the wedding, they can ask where they are registered. Simple as that.
i feel you kinda on this one but i feel if someone kinda has control on things it is kinda better something you like might not be what i like example i might buy you a clock that is god awful looking to you and doesn't go with anything you own but i think it is the best gift in the world and would go with anything now you will feel obligated on having it up not to hurt my feelings but cringe every time you walk into that room or having me take it back to the store to buy something diffrent i feel a registry is a great thing you dont always have to buy from it but it gives a great idea what to get
Hmm. I see it quite differently (and we're not registered because we don't need or want anything, so it's not my own greed talking here). The registry is a courtesy to people who want to give a gift as it guides them to what the couple needs or wants, and is a guide to their tastes. It also lets people who want to buy a gift know what colors will work in the various rooms. I don't see the registry as a demand for gifts, only a helpful guideline for gift-givers. You can always choose what gift to give, off or on the registry. I don't see anything to be offended by here. It's offensive only when registry information is sent with the invitation--that's greedy. But when used as a guide for people who want to give a gift, I think it's very helpful.
Gift registries are not about entitlements, but about taste. Since they're the ones who will be living with and using the presents the couple simply says what they would like or suggest. The giver ALWAYS chooses the gift. Very expensive gifts are seldom the best or most practical, most of these will be packed away to tarnish or only brought out for special occasions. Modern ostentation and excess is atrocious, showing the worst of taste and substituting "things" for love. It should be discouraged from the get-go.
I do agree with you on your last points about spending so much on the wedding that you can't help furnish your own home; that's ridiculous! Also about just registering for the most expensive gifts you can find is very tacky & selfish! However, registries in and of themselves are really not so bad. Registries are there to help the givers not the recipients. They are for the gift-givers who truly want to give the couple something they will like, can use, and that matches their other things. Also they exist for givers who may not know the bride very well; they may be extended family who want to give a gift, but don't have a clue as to the couple's taste or needs. The couple is actually doing the gift-givers like this a favor by registering somewhere. Of course, the gift itself is to be chosen by the giver. If a giver prefers to give money or a gift of their own choosing that is perfectly fine. However, most givers would rather spend $50 on something they know the couple will love, than to possibly give them something they already have 3 of, or just don't like and will never use.
We are using the registry as an option to make things easier for our generous friends and family who would like to buy us gifts. We don't expect gifts nor do we expect those who choose to get us gift to only choose from our registry. However, I know personally when I buy wedding gifts I'd much prefer to buy from a registry because I know the gift is something that the couple really wants. I completely agree that you should tone down your wedding if you'll be towel-less if your guests don't complete your registry.
I'm so sick of hearing people complain about registries. You do not have to buy anything off of a registry! It's that simple. Registries are a way to give people suggestions if they have no idea what to get the couple. It's simply being helpful to people who want to buy you something you WANT. I have bought something for couples using their registry and I've bought things not on their registry. There is not one couple out there who can possibly chose all their wedding gifts. People will give what they what to give and no one in their right mind should ever feel pressured to buy off a registry.
when i was married we did a registry so that people would know what things we wanted/needed. it was easier to tell people where we were registered at than tell them i want/need this. they are wonderful, especially whne your running around a store shopping for soemone going ,what the heck am i going to get them? oh wait their registered i can get something off that. at least you know they'll like it.
We didn't want to do a registry but once everyone started asking us what did we want it would be tacky for us to say money so we just told them get simple things that we use everyday such as towels, sheets, pots and pans, silverware. They can't buy me a sheet set without knowing my bed size and everyone doesn't have the same size bed so its not safe to assume. We have a certain color in our kitchen and bathroom so everything goes together we have that matching color on our registry for those items. All that stuff to me will be worn out and I will need a new set soon. I put stuff on there I knew people could afford from $11.00 to $80.00. I know that most of my family and co-workers will give me gift cards and money but my friends will go to the registry and get the gift.
I totally agree with you. I resent being told where to shop. I know registries tell us "what the couple wants" but I don't care. I will write them a check as a gift and they can budget, like I do, to buy what they want. Many wedding planners and stores tell couples to over-register, then return the gifts they "don't want" for cash. That would be wasting my time, if I bought off a registry, to have my gift returned. After I took the time to shop and wrap. Then, many Yahoo Answerers say that it is stupid and selfish to expect a thank you note from the wedding couple!
Last time I checked, no one forced guests to use a registry, or even inquire whether one exists. For those of us who choose to use it, it's a handy to know what the couple actually needs and wants. It doesn't mean I'm contractually bound to buy them anything off the registry, but it lets me know where their heads are at. And I'm busy. I work a lot. The last thing I need is spending hours at a department store trying to brainstorm a wedding gift idea. If the couple wants wine glases from Crate & Barrel, and it takes me all of 5 minutes to figure that out, place an order online, and have the packaged gift wrapped and sent to the couple's home, isn't that a win-win for everyone? Now. A bride and groom who actively SOLICIT gifts from their putative guests (i.e., printed on their invitations!), or who try to covertly set a minimum floor for value of a gift -- that's a horse of a different color. Tacky, tacky, tacky.
The point of a registry is to make sure that you don't end up with duplicate gifts and also to make sure that you end up with things that match. In our case, people who got us things that weren't on the registry ended up duplicating gifts. We ended up getting three crock pots, and we already had one (which was why we didn't register for one in the first place.) Only two had gift receipts, so now we have two crockpots but none of the bed sheets we needed. One of my coworkers got married back when people only registered for china and silver. Popcorn poppers were big that year, and she and her husband got THIRTEEN popcorn poppers as wedding gifts. My parents paid for my wedding (and I made sure it was nothing too extravagent), so the idea of "saving some money" on our wedding to use for towels or bed sheets wouldn't have worked. My husband and I don't have a lot of money (he's still in school), so our registry was VERY helpful to us in setting up our home. Our registry had items that ranged from $4 (seriously) to $200, so there was something in everyone's price range. If you CHOOSE to buy a gift for someone, don't throw a fit because they asked for things they wanted rather than what you would have wanted. Buying a crystal dish for a couple that eats all of their food off of plastic plates might seem like a nice idea... as long as you're comfortable with the fact that the dish will never see the light of day. If you're offended by registries, cash is always a nice idea, but imposing your tastes on someone else buy giving them a gift YOU like doesn't always work out like you might have hoped.
You're missing the point. If you were going to bring a gift to a wedding or shower, wouldn't you prefer to spend your heard-earned money on something the couple actually wants? These registries aren't requirements, but they're great because they let you know what the couple wants. Why give someone a tan towel set, when they're bathroom is green? I have always loved registries--it makes gift shopping SOOOOO easy, and now that I'm marrying, I couldn't wait to register. I really think it helps the guests.
I see your point about wanting to choose a gift. However, the registry helps couples get gifts that they actually need instead of 5 tea kettles, 4 toasters, and 50 picture frames. For most people I know who have registered, it's more out of a sense of practicality rather than entitlement - and it's not just for people who have lavish weddings. If people are registering for ridiculously expensive or luxurious items, then I agree with you that it's obnoxious. But most of the real people I know in person (not from Yahoo!) register for practical everyday things like cookware and lawn tools. My fiance and I aren't registering, though. We're a little older than average (in our 30's) and we already have too much stuff!
My husband and I are young newly weds... we definitely decided to do gift registries that included the basics that would be nice to have to start our new home... from things like $10 picture frames to $300 kitchen-aid sets... my reason for doing it was mainly to give guests an idea of what we not only wanted, but what we NEEDED to start our home together. I did include a china set and crystal set, but according to the store worker, I chose a very conservative and inexpensive pattern (I dont believe in paying $50 for a plate that I will use once a year)... so I was very careful with planning my registries... Everything I added was stuff that I would be willing to pay for myself... I was not going to ask for a $200 knife set because I think that is rediculous... I definitely did not ask for very expensive things and would never do that. I didn't recieve much from my registries, but I got several gift cards to those stores and other items that werent on the registries but were pretty much the same thing (like serving dishes, etc)... I was very happy with my gifts. According to others, I seemed to be one of those brides who wasnt too greedy or spendy. I've eve seen a registry with a flat screen TV! Get real!
I don't really like buying from a registery either..but department stores created these initially for the guests themselves, so they no longer had to wonder about what to get the couples. These days when couples have generally lived together and have everything they need, I do use them or just give them a gift card . That way they get what they want and I don't have to ask a family member for suggestions.
When I get married, I plan to do it so people know what I DO want. I know there many people out there who really don't know what to get for a gift, so I would supply them with a list of things I want/need. I am not saying they need to purchase anything off the list, but it gives people ideas of things I may need, colors, etc. As for registering for luxurious things.. I wouldn't register for something I wouldn't buy. except maybe an espresso machine.. :)
The purpose of a registry is so a couple can recieve gifts they actually need or want and also so that a couple doesn't recieve 15 toasters from different guests. Expesially if you are having a lot of people at the wedding guest wont buy the same items for the couple. There should be plenty of things that are enxpensive on a regestry so guest can spend as little or as much as they want to spend.
As a mother of bride who got married in May, I can understand your querie about wedding register gifts. My daughter & partner just wanted guests to celebrate the actual wedding and would have been abhorant at the idea that friends & family felt the need to bring expensive presents, they just felt the idea of a wedding list would stop duplicates of toasters, irons etc. We had a great celebration, You sound a very nice person, you must be as so many friends want you at the celebrations, so please stop worrying! perhaps you can help with organising lifts etc, for relatives without cars. Good Luck
idk, we didn't use registries. We were mature, working people when we got married, and totally didn't even think of gifts, and surely wouldn't have dictated what we wanted. We were totally grateful for anything which our guests chose for us! Our goal for the wedding day was for us to host a wonderful celebration for our guests!
The registry is only a WISH LIST. I have two registries. Those are for people who have NO IDEA what to get us. I would accept any gift given to us, on the registry or not.
We had no registry, and when people asked us what we wanted we just said to people we wanted them to come celebrate with us, we have everything we need at the moment and really did not want anyone spending money on us. We did get some lovely gifts though, mostly from family and they were very much appreciated, we just felt no need to register for loads of things as we just don't need anything!