500 Wedding Ideas - Does the average middle class family have to go in debt to pay for daughters weddings?

Does the average middle class family have to go in debt to pay for daughters weddings?

We have two daughters that are adult, both with boyfriends, one is still in college. My husband and I are constantly bickering about money. He refuses to go into debt for weddings. Neither one of our daughters is engaged yet, but I worry about when they will be because I want their weddings to be special. What does everyone else do about this??

Public Comments

Can't you guys start putting money aside now for it?
You absolutely do not go into debt for their weddings. What you should do is start saving now since neither are engaged and you will be that much more ahead of the game. Good luck!
well, most people hope not to. a lot of girls and their fiance's are contributing these days. my mom gave me a certain dollar amount to spend that she could comfortably afford. we're doing the rest.
Your husband is right. You never go into debt for a wedding. You don't have to pay for the entire wedding. Sit down with your daughters when they get engaged and explain this is all you can contribute. They will have to come up with the rest or his family will have to contribute something as well. No matter what the budget is, it will be special.
My daddy is very successful, and he always taught me not to go in debt for anything. He always taught me that it is better to do without and be happy rather than go into debt and have money problems. So, that is my advice. My daddy is a very smart and successful businessman.
I had to pay for my own wedding becasue my parents couldn't. they helped out a bit, did what they could for me. No i don't feel as though paying for the wedding is as important as supporting the relationship and showing your love. besides, i knew my parents didn't have the means to pay for the whole wedding and i would have benn angry with htem if they went into debt over it. Noone should go into debt over a wedding. it will be special jus t because they are your daugthers and youlove them.
Tell your girls up-front that you cannot afford to pay for their weddings and they will have to fend for themselves on that. Alot of couples pay for their own these days and there is nothing wrong with that. If you feel inclined, give them some money when the time comes, but thats it.
If you are planning on paying for everything then i suggest you start saving up now. You don't have to go into debt unless you make it that way. Thats why people set up budgets and only pay for the things they can afford. My fiance and i are doing well we don't make a ton of money and neither do our parents but our wedding plans are coming along really well and it will be beautiful with all of us helping out.
No one should ever go into debt - over anything, let alone a wedding. I'd tell your daughters now that when they do get married, you can give them $2k or $3k towards their wedding, and that's it. IF you want to give them anything. You aren't obligated to do so. It's a tradition that the brides parent's pay for about 90% of the wedding, but now a days, most couples pay for it themselves. (one of the 'perks' to getting married later in life, after you get your carreed established) Good luck!
now a days more couples are paying for the weddings themselves. why people insist on paying for $30,000 weddings for one night when it can be used for a down payment towards a home is beyond me. my fiance and myself are paying for it ourselves. we're keeping it small. we want the house more than the big huge party for one evening. my father is helping where he can but he certainly isn't going to go into debt to pay for a wedding. neither are we. if they aren't engaged now, why not start saving if you insist on paying for their weddings. you'll be that much ahead of the game when they do get married.
You do not have to spend a ton of money to make a wedding day special and no one should be going into debt to pay for a one day event, no matter how important it may be. Neither of your daughters are even engaged yet, so unless they have talked to you about it, it's tough to know what they are going to want for a wedding when the time comes. You can start putting aside money, but you shouldn't be stressing out and contemplating debt when you have no idea if your daughters will be getting married anytime soon. When the time does come, the best thing you can do is to determine three things which are most important to your daughters and go all out on those. Everything else can be more flexible and less costly. Keep in mind that your daughters should realize that what really makes the wedding special is the love and commitment between the two people getting married. You should realize this too.
No I dont think so, My parents are paying for mine and they are by no means rolling in the benjamins. it's good to plan and budget ahead of time, it depends of course on the size of the wedding but there are lots of ways to save money and still have a nice wedding. For instance, here are some things wer are doing for my wedding and it's still turning out to be just as nice as other weddings I have been to! (getting married 6-27-08 by the way) Flowers: We are only doing real flowers for people, IE: Me, groom, wedding party and the parents. But You could do silk flowers for any of that if you wanted. We are doing silk flowers for all of the arangments that go on tables (why pay $30 per table for 1 day and for only about 7 people to actually admire them?) So we have spent about $300 on silk flowers and cheap containers we are painting. We have about 20 tables to cover for 150 guest wedding. Food: If you find a venue that lets you do your own catering, you can do trays or platters from grocery stores. Sounds cheap and tacky but my brother did it and everyone really liked being able to get what food they wanted. Like we are getting sandwhich and fruit trays from a grocery store (Day wedding, less formal by the way) for about $1800 for 150 people. Which, when we talked to caterers it was going to be $3000-4000 dollars so saved money there! Dresses: You can get nice dresses without having to pay a lot. David's Bridal has really pretty ones that are affordable. I got mine from there for only $350! Invitations: There are lots of kits or websites where you can design your own and it's often cheaper than going through a big company. I designed my own (though I am a graphic designer) through Overnights.com and VistaPrint.com and used ActionEnvelope.com for envelopes. Everything is professionally printed by designed by me for less than $300. So see, there are ways to make it affordable if you just take some time to think of alternatives. I think our budget was $10,000 but it seems like we'll be coming in more around $8,000. Hope this helps!!!
Do NOT go into debt. A wedding can still be special without being expensive. My parents decided on a set amount and that's what they gave me and my two sisters. They told us the money was ours to do with as we pleased. We could elope and pocket it or if our weddings cost more, we were responsible for covering the rest. I have friends whose parents couldn't pay for much of the wedding so they just paid for the bridal dress or one element of the wedding. If you're having financial hardships, I'm sure your daughters would not want to cause you more problems by demanding you finance a blow-out wedding.
You don't have to go into debt, but you and your husband must set a budget on the amount you are willing to spend. The bride can chip in any amount above that if she wants. Remember what you spend for one will be expected for the other. Hate to say it, but this is the typical time people take out a second mortgage to help cover the costs, not because they want to, but they feel they need to.
you shouldn't go into debt for a wedding
No one should go into debt for a wedding. If you and your husband feel the need/want to pay for the wedding only pay as much as you can afford. Your daughters are adults and should be able to pay for it themselves. Just set some money aside and when the time comes, how ever much you were able to save is what you will contribute towards their weddings. Their weddings will be special no matter what. No one needs to go into debt to make it happen. Side note, I plan on doing what Anne's parents did for her and her sisters for my kids.
I say help as much as you can that's all you can do. that's what my parents are doing I'm paying for my own wedding and on my wedding day what they decide to give me I will be very happy w/ it. Do not go into debt for it your daughters will understand.
No...I wouldn't want my parents to go in debt.There are also alot of things that you can do to save DIY projects save money and look just as good or better!Plus you get some quality time before you go off on your own!
It isn't your responsibility to pay for your children's weddings anymore....maybe back in 1950, but not now. If your child is responsible & is working, has theirown home etc, they should pay for it themselves! You shouldn't give up financial freedom for a 1 day affair. Silly silly silly! By the way----we are paying for our own wedding-$2000 for EVERYTHING and it will be very special!
You can only do what you can do. I am getting married in a couple months. There is no way my parents could pay for my wedding without taking out loans, putting huge amounts on the credit card, etc. Instead, they gave us a chunk of money, whatever they were able to save, to use towards the wedding. My fiance's parents actually did the same thing...and, lucky for us, both families gave us the same amount of money! One suggestion if you aren't able to pay for the whole wedding but are able to help out with a particular sum of money: do not give it to your daughters and say, "We are paying for the DJ" or the food, or the flowers, or whatever. If you are not paying for the whole wedding, it's a lot easier on the engaged couple if they are able to use the money for whatever aspect(s) of the wedding they choose.
I think that it is normal to go into debt for wedding but I think that it is not necessary and a terrible idea. You should start saving now and your children should not get married until they can afford to put something towards their weddings. The wedding can become the focus but the marriage should be. I think that if your daughters understand that they should be happy with whatever wedding they can afford with or without your help. My parents gave me $3,000 for my $10,000 wedding. My finance family gave us $2,500. Neither is going into debt and I would not accept any money that did. Yeah we don't get a honeymoon in Maui or the Virgin Islands but I am over joyed with the fact that I get to marry my best friend and feel blessed that I get a really nice wedding still.
You do not have to go in debt for a wedding. Start saving up money for the event now. The families usually split up costs anyway, and if needed you and the groom's side can discuss dividing MORE of the costs up. There are plenty of ways that you can acheive a wedding of your daughter's dreams and still do it at a decent price. A wedding planner or budget planner might be the way for you to go.
No no no no no! Never go into debt for a party! That's all it is, a party! And it can be very special without breaking the bank. Lots of people have fun, eventful weddings for $5000 or less. Be careful, mom. Don't get sucked into the many, many wedding trappings that girls are lured in by these days. It's endless. There are only a few things people care about once the wedding is over: Did the bride and groom look happy? Did the wedding reflect the bride and groom's unique personalities? Were people dancing and socializing? Was the food OK? That's really about it. All the flying doves, expensive favors, designer wedding gown, snooty reception hall, horse & carriage or limo, that kind of stuff seriously doesn't matter, and it costs a LOT of money! Keep your priorities straight, DON'T SUCCUMB TO PEER PRESSURE, and you'll be able to keep it reasonable. Also, if there is something "over the top" that your daughter wants to do, there's no reason she can't pitch in on this. In fact, sometimes it's stifling for a bride to have mommy and daddy pay for everything, because they feel like they don't have a say in things. Make it your daughter's event, not yours, and you'll be OK.
Of course not. If your daughters are getting married as mature adults, they will pay for their own weddings, along with their fiances. Whatever money you could contribute is up to you.