500 Wedding Ideas - What do you think about the tradition of the brides family paying for the wedding?

What do you think about the tradition of the brides family paying for the wedding?

I'm engaged but my partner and I will be the ones paying, my parents would never to be able to afford it and I feel it's unfair on them considering weddings apparently average at £20,000 ...yikes! Did you stick to this tradition? If so did the brides family just presume they would be the ones paying? Did you feel restricted because you had to stick to their budget? Also, whether you stuck to this tradition or not, what was the final cost of your wedding? I've been gobsmacked at some of the quotes i've been given so far, particularly catering.

Public Comments

my dad is paying for about $5000 of our wedding we are covering the other $4000 or so...so we are spending about $9000 my suggestion is to have a long engagement (about a year) and buy stuff a little at a time....when it goes on sale
I don't agree with it. Especially in today's world, where couples are living on their own before getting married. That's all well and good, but why should Mommy and Daddy be expected to cough up the money for your decisions? That being said, his parents had told us before we even got engaged that they would do the same for us that they had done for his brother - they paid for the flowers (there was a particular vendor they wanted to use), pictures, and video. They didn't give us a budget, but I kept it to the least expensive I could. My parents told us that they would give us X amount of money to be used for whatever we wanted for our wedding. It was extremely generous of them, and we were able to have our dream wedding with the help of both parents. Overall, my wedding cost about $20 - $22,000.
With today's sucky economy, I don't think it should be expected. My wife and I paid for our own wedding and reception. We didn't want any drama or UNWANTED input. We had total control. * * *
I think it's an outdated tradition. If a couple wants to get married, they should pay for it. If their families offer to help, that's great and their gift should be accepted, but not asked for. We got engaged and purposefully chose to wait 2 years before the wedding so we could save up the money we would need ourselves. We never asked anyone for money, and fully expected to pay for it ourselves. Our families offered to help with different things, and we were more than happy that they did, but we never relied on their money or expected any money from anyone. Our wedding cost $8,500 (american dollars) total, not including honeymoon. :) My best friend got married this weekend, and her parents paid for it. She didn't get the wedding she wanted, her mother planned the whole thing. She thought that if she tried to stand up for herself and ask for the things she wanted (not more expensive, just different than what the mom "envisioned"), her mother would pull out and not help at all. If that were me, I would have said, no thanks mom, but I would rather wait longer and save up my own money, so I can have what I want.
Actually nowadays it's very acceptable to have the cost of the wedding split three ways; between the couple, the bride's parents and the groom's parents. If any of these couples cannot afford their share, then it is VERY appropriate for them to cover the cost of ONE part of the wedding, like the church, flowers or something else. HOWEVER, for example, if the groom's parents can only afford the flowers, then the bride's parents ONLY cover something that is similar in cost and the couple getting married cover the rest. As for the quotes you're getting, try to remember, a marriage is just a ceremony. It DOES NOT matter if you have roses or carnations! It's the act that is being celebrated that counts! I'd go to a JP, be done with the wedding, then have a huge party to celebrate! Maybe an informal barbque. That way you and your newly betrothed and yourself can get on with your lives without worrying about all that debt! And your parents won't be destitute either!
My fiance and I are getting married in July of 2010. We haven't meant to stick to the old tradition but in a technical aspect we have. My parents are pretty nosey (in a good way) and they have been the ones paying for the majority of our wedding. My fiance and I are saving as much money as we can and Mom and Dad are helping us by paying for as much as possible. Saying that, though, we attempted to get a line of credit to pay for the wedding so we didn't have to depend on Mom and Dad, but with my fiance's bad decisions years ago we needed my parents to co-sign still and they refused to let us go into debt with our wedding. My fiance's parents aren't (as far as we know) contributing any money towards our wedding. They claim they can't afford to (though they are planning a trip to Vegas in the next few months, and trying to decide if they want to do more house renos), but we're okay with that. They stuck to the tradition when planning his sister's wedding and they tried to take complete control (when her boyfriend and her decide to finally get married, they are planning on eloping with only my fiance and I there). Our estimated final cost will be about $11,000 (Canadian).
In my opinion, when it comes to paying, all tradition should be thrown out the window. Whoever offers to pay, should be allowed to pay. I say to each family and individual there own here. I'm not engaged, but my mom and I have been talking about wedding lately, just because a few people we know are getting married. My mother has already come out, without me asking, and said she would be more than willing to help pay for the wedding. So, when the time comes, I know I won't even have to have this discussion. I know where my parents stand (well, at least my mom and she is the one controlling the checkbook....my dad just agrees with her) I can't say it's unfair that people's parents pay, because I believe that each family has their own set of standards. Now, with that said, my parents are NOT going to be footing the whole bill. That is something they can't afford and I know that for certain. If my future in-laws offer to help, then I'm more than accepting of their offer. They're grown adults and I'm assuming they're offering out of the goodness of their heart and because they can truly afford to. If they can't help, then my future spouse and I will have to work a budget around the amount of money my parents have offered to give. But, like I said, all tradition is out the window in my opinion. With today's cost of living, I don't believe any one family should be obligated to pay for the entire wedding. If they offer to pay for everything, that's a totally different story. But, obligated.......No.
My wedding ceremony is planned for December 27th this year and we stuck to the tradition by default. My grandmother became very concerned about my immortal soul after I'd been living with my now fiance for almost a year (i say this with a smile). She offered to pay for many parts of the ceremony and my mother was honestly excited to pay for many of the other things. His parents are giving us $500 for whatever (equal to the contributions for his two brothers weddings) Plus we're pretty much broke so if it had been up to us we would have gone the route of a civil ceremony. So far it's been frustrating dealing with all of my mother's input but for the most part her suggestions have been a sincere attempt to give me my dream wedding on a realistic budget and I don't feel like I'm not getting what I want even if I do want to elope every other day :). Our budget is currently about $3500 (US). We are using a historical chapel at my grandmother's church and her pastor. The fellowship hall at the church will serve as our reception hall. I found a beautiful dress at HeleneBridal.com for about $250 including shipping and I've sent paint samples to my bridesmaids so they could choose a dress they like and will actually wear again without being stuck with the high price tag of actual "bridesmaids" gowns. My caterer is also doing the cake, and we are having a dessert reception to skip the expensive entrees. We are having several small receptions so that we can do exactly what we want. 1. bride's extended family (recovering alcholics there so no alcohol and less money) 2. groom's extended family (too far from ceremony to realistically travel) 3. New Year's Eve bash for friends (ALL mine to plan!) 4. Valentine's brunch for friends of family not invited to other celebrations Spreading them out and doing them small has allowed us to save money in some places (our friends DO NOT CARE about cake and punch-but do like to party) and put it towards things we actually care about (for me it's great photography on the day of the private family ceremony)
Times have changed .. the couple getting married ought to be the ones to pay for the wedding. I think the "tradition" is outdated and ridiculous. It is very generous for family (on either side) to help pay -- but it should not be expected or even asked for; it should be offered if the family wishes to help out. We are paying US $17,000 for our wedding. My Mom did contribute $2,000 of that because she wanted to help us out; My Aunt & Uncle gave me $300 for my dress; and two cousins of mine are paying for our cake as a gift. We didn't change our budget one bit because we had some help paying for the total cost of the wedding.
It's never a good idea to assume someone else is paying for something. Couples these days usually pay for their own wedding, and take the assistance from parents or others if it is offered. My parents are helping us out a little with some of the expenses, but my fiance and I are paying for about 80% of our $10,000 budget.
With today's economy the huge elaborate Hollywood weddings are very expensive and stressful for even the rich and famous. If you want to go all out and it is beyond the brides parents budget, then the bride and groom should help out with expenses. Same with the reception. The grooms family is responsible for this, again, if you want to go above and beyond the grooms parents budget, the bride and groom should pitch in on this as well. I might add: My husband and I made it easy on everyone. We got married in Las Vegas, at our own expense. When we got home we had a family and close friends reception with a pot luck pick nick at the park.
I think it's an outdated tradition. Due to finances and the costs of a real wedding these days, you get help where you can. My fiance's parents are paying for 3/5 of the wedding. We're paying 1/5. My parents are paying 1/5. We have 6 kids in our family (5 girls!) so what my parents do for me, they have to do for everyone. So they can only do so much!! I think the final cost of EVERYTHING possible put together will be $8,000. We're having 150 guests and it will be amazing. We saved a TON as opposed to the typical wedding because we found the most amazing reception area at a restaurant. We got restaurant pricing and we're having a cash bar. BINGO! Saved thousands. Best of luck!
When we got engaged, my mom and step-dad told us that she would like to give us $5K toward paying for the wedding. We accepted it. When my Dad heard that she had contributed, he said he would match it and gave us $5K as well. My husband's family offered $5K, and I'm not sure where they got that number. It seems coincidental that it was the same amount that everyone else contributed, but I don't think anyone else discussed it with them. So with $5K from 3 families, our budget was $5K. We went over by $1K and paid for that ourselves, as well as our rings and honeymoon. I don't think it should be expected that anyone pay for a wedding other than the couple. If the parents offer, fine. But nobody should be expected to do it.
we got married after a few years together ...both sides of our family are not well off if ya know what I mean...nonetheless my parents helped us w/ more than 1/2 of the costs for a 70 guest wedding totaling just under $10,000 which is good for the style wedding we had...I really shopped around for all our vendors though and researched everything before my deposits were made...it'll work out ! We live in Connecticut!!!
Our final cost was about $18000, counting my engagement ring. We received $600 from friends, $3000 from my dad, $700 from my mom, and $2000 from his parents ($6300 total from others). The rest we paid for ourselves. My husband and I, by the time we got married, had a house, two cars, and had been living together for over three years. To ask our parents to pay for the wedding would have just been silly. We actually didn't ask for money at all, they just gifted it.
its outdated. in this day and age, bride and groom should pay for whatever they can, and parents should only contribute what they are comfortably able to. i would NEVER put my parents out by asking that they pay for my wedding. they paid for my stuff for 16 years of my life, i can figure out how to pay for the start of my married life on my own. dont get me wrong, i will very very VERY graciously accept any help they can offer, but do i think they should pay for the whole thing? absolutely not. they already have their own bills. why should MY marriage put them even further in debt? my fiance and i will be having the wedding we can afford on what we manage to save between now and then. any help from parents is just a happy bonus
I paid for my own wedding. My parents lived on a fixed income, and I would have been absolutely ashamed to ask them for money or assume that they would contribute. I suppose if I had parents (1) who had the financial wherewithal AND (2) who volunteered to pay (without being asked to do so), I might have felt differently. Of course I felt restricted -- that's exactly what a budget is supposed to do, isn't it? Unrestricted spending on a wedding is madness.